Neanderdad Before and After (but not During)

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The children orbited around Neanderdad.  They made small circles, large circles, ovals, figure-eights and paraboloids.   They rode clear across the giant expanse of tarmac that covered the playground of the local middle school, then swung back toward him pedaling furiously, as if to charge him.  In every case, as they drew near, the would swerve at the last moment, missing him.  Then they would laugh and call out to him. Continue reading

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Neanderdad and the Greatest Gift Of All

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It was that time of year again.   A large conifer had been imported into Neanderdad’s dwelling.  The tree blocked normal travel routes across the living room.  It also to make the house that much more susceptible to fire.  Flimsy lightbulbs on sketchy wiring were strung on the dry, tinder branches of that tree to ensure maximum combustibility.   Similar lights were attached to every eave and gutter of the wooden dwelling and blinked all through the drizzling, short-causing winter night.  Neanderdad, ever one to worry, tried to ignore this menace and focused instead on what went under the tree.  For the little ones, this was the gift season, most of all. Continue reading

Neanderdad Tales, the New illustrated book now available on iBookstore

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The first ten Neanderdad Tales are included in this beautifully illustrated collection of Neanderdad stories, including Neanderdad Explains Christmas, perfect for this holiday season.  Great for Dads of all ages!

Neanderdad Goes To Work

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There is a time when a hunter must go hunting.  This was that time for Neanderdad.  He needed to get out to the office and slay a mammoth.  He was dressed for the hunt.  He had prepared.  A conference room full of colleagues awaited his arrival.  But, alas, Neanderdad simply could not get out of the house.

Neanderdad struggled with the doorknob, a backpack dangling unevenly from his shoulder and work papers stuffed dubiously under his arm.  The dog, eager to get outside, tried to squeeze past him and through the door as it opened.   Neanderdad had to drop a hip to bock him.  This made the backpack even more unbalanced and Neanderdad tottered.  But what presented the gravest challenge were his offspring.  They pulled him back inside with all their might.   After a morning of fully ignoring his presence, Neanderdad’s offspring had suddenly rediscovered the irreplaceable allure of their father.  They now gripped him fiercely. Continue reading

Neanderdad at the Water’s Edge

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The monstrous waves broke violently in front of Neanderdad’s offspring, half blocking the horizon, shaking the ground and causing the air to shudder.   The children darted forward and retreated before the tumult, two tiny, shivering imps daring a beastly sea in flowered swimsuits.  Behind them, forgotten, lay the warm, dry beach, their towels and Neanderdad.   Despite his entreaties, the children eschewed him—and safety—to stand instead in the path of these seething, lunging mountains of ocean.

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Neanderdad the Monster

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Neanderdad was three monsters that day.  That was more than usual.  Playing one monster during the course of the day was actually quite normal.  In fact, even two monsters was quote common for Neanderdad, for what child doesn’t like to be safely frightened?  But three monsters were a lot.  And in the end, three monsters were too many.

The first monster was a Fort Monster.  The children hid in the fort they had built with pillows and a chair.  Neanderdad the Fort Monster menaced them from the carpet beyond—the carpet being the magical barrier that blocked him from tearing the flimsy affair down with one swipe of a meaty paw.  Occasionally, when Neanderdad had growled off away from the fort, one or both of his offspring would peek out from the fort to confirm his separation then dash out into the open to grab something of value, like perhaps a cherished toy.  Neanderdad would then turn suddenly, ‘notice’ them, roar loudly and chase them.  The children would scream in imaginary fear and run back to safety.  Neanderdad would stop at the flimsy walls of the fort.  It was covered in magic monster repellant, of course.  Then he would howl in frustration at missing the chance to eat them.  The children would laugh uproariously and taunt him from the safety of their keep.

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Neanderdad in the Moment (Children Missing)

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Where had the children gone?  Neanderdad looked around the playroom, puzzled.  He could have sworn his two young offspring had  just been playing there, but the room was childless.  An abandoned toy train lay spinning on its side in the corner.  Its forlorn whirring was the only sound that filled an otherwise silent room.   The dog remained.  The beast watched him pensively, its eyes flickering toward the hallway and then back. Neanderdad scratched his shaggy head in bewilderment.  The children had gone missing again. Continue reading

Neanderdad and the Five Stages of Grief

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Neanderdad tried to convince himself that the writing had been on the wall, that the signs had been there for him. But in truth, he was taken completely unawares. Certainly he’d seen it happen to other fathers and husbands. He’s seen other proud men reduced to pitiful creatures as a consequence. But Neanderdad never suspected that this…THING…could actually happen to him. Yet there was his wife, daring to breathe that abominable word during this hallowed time. Continue reading

Animated Neanderdad by 321FastDraw!

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Neanderdad Honestly Considered

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It had been a great day of hunting.  Many mammoths had been slain.  Neanderdad had reigned supreme at work.  Now Neanderdad departed his cubicle stronghold and returned home triumphantly.  He strode into his dwelling, strong, tall and commanding.  Sensing his ebullience, the dog greeted him at the door spastically, leaping up at him as if to lick off some of his success.  The children too seemed to sense his splendor, rushing gleefully to hug him.  Even Neanderdad’s mate, swamped with her efforts to staunch domestic chaos after her own workday, took time to join in Neanderdad’s jubilant homecoming, giving him a hug, kiss and smile.  Neanderdad’s was truly a hero’s return. Continue reading